22Tears

"Forgiving, Loving, Helping, Leading and showing Mercy." -Rachel Joy Scott-


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Sometimes…

Sometimes you owe so much to someone

That you can never pay them back.

The best you can do

Is dedicate your life to them.

And even then,

You only scratch the surface of your gratitude to them.

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I’m Sorry.

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I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that our friendship had to end the way it did.

I’m sorry for everything I did, everything I said that ever hurt you.

I’m sorry that the depths of depression we both explored,

Were undeniably sourced in our relationship with one another.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that I have to be so harsh, so firm,

When I tell you that things must never become that way again.

I’m sorry that you are having a hard time understanding

That my hurtful actions

Aren’t meant for the sake of hurting,

But for our eventual, mutual, spiritual healing.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that my recovery is coming along swifter than yours.

But I’m not sorry.

I’m grateful to God for the grace and healing He has given to me

As a loving gift from Father to Daughter.

I accept His gift with songs of thankfulness and love.

No, I’m not sorry for accepting His grace.

He offered it to me – HE did.

God.

Do you expect me to refuse Him? The Holy of Holies?

The one who died for me?

The one who loves me?

I AM sorry

That you have not yet fully healed.

I’m sorry that it brings you pain

To see me start to be happy again.

It does raise the question

‘Have you ever really loved me.’

After all,

Love is putting someone else first,

Caring more about THEIR welfare than your own…

The fact that you tried today

To make me feel guilty

For finding some happiness…

Love? Is that love?

By definition, it is not.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that you are still in such pain.

I pray for you daily,

Admittedly, some days more than others,

But your recovery

Is always a cause close to my heart.

I pray for your redemption.

I pray that you’ll find joy in God,

In life,

In Music…

I pray that you’ll find joy in all of these things again.

I pray that you can forgive me for saying goodbye,

And I pray that you can forgive me

For being happy.


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Though I walk in the midst of trouble…

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me;

You will stretch forth Your hand against the wrath of my enemies, And Your right hand will save me.

The LORD will accomplish what concerns me;

Your loving kindness, O LORD, is everlasting;

Do not forsake the works of Your hands.

-PSALM 138:7-8


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safety.

“There are no ‘if’s’ in God’s world. And no places safer than other places. The Center of His Will is our only safety… We must pray that we may always know it.”

The Hiding Place, Chapter 5

 

 


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breathe me

 

Matthew 11:28-30

English Standard Version (ESV)

28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”


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I’m pretty sure…

 

I’m pretty sure – and correct me if I’m wrong – that even though we all “know” we’re going to die, we don’t really believe we will… You know?

 

There’s some part of us that doesn’t really think we’re going to – like it’s one of those “mandatory” things you can get out of if you put it off long enough. Or maybe it’s one of those boxes you check to signify you read through and accept the “terms of use”  when – seriously, who reads all that?

 

We can’t quite wrap our heads around it.  Whether or not you believe in any kind of life after death, don’t you kind of think – in the back of your head – that you aren’t going to be the one who dies… It’s always someone else… Only that’s what that “someone else” thought too…

 

I believe that we can’t bring  ourselves to truly accept death because I believe we weren’t created to die.

 

Just a thought.

 

 

 

shawn


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Back Then

“Back Then” By B Story

“I understand you’re worried.

This doesn’t feel the same.

But I won’t give up

I’ll try my best

To see, to see, to see…

 

I don’t want to be sorry;

I don’t want to give in;

I just want to remember what it was like

back then…”